“I Wanted to Hit My Head on the Wall”: Shilpa Shirodkar Opens Up About Depression, Loss & Finding Strength in Family

In an emotional revelation, former Bollywood star Shilpa Shirodkar—once a familiar face in the 1990s film scene—has opened up about her silent battle with depression, the emotional toll of losing both her parents, and the crucial role her sister Namrata Shirodkar and husband played in her healing.

Having stepped away from the limelight for over a decade, Shilpa had settled in London to raise her family. But in 2010, following the deaths of her parents, she made a significant and painful return to India—not to reclaim her career but to be close to her only sibling, Namrata.

“I was in a really bad state of depression. I didn’t come back for work. I came back to be near my sister,” she shared in a recent candid conversation.

“I Had No Interest in Life” – A Journey Through Unprocessed Grief

Shilpa’s emotional state was fragile, and returning home was not a professional decision but a deeply personal one. She described experiencing emotional numbness, constant tears, and feeling like a robot, only functioning for the sake of her young daughter.

“Even when something good happened, I couldn’t stop crying. I was just existing. I had dark circles, gained weight, stopped going out… I wasn’t even speaking properly to my own family.”

At one point, she admitted to feeling so overwhelmed she had the urge to “hit her head against the wall”—a powerful metaphor for the inner chaos caused by buried grief.

A Husband’s Quiet Sacrifice

While Shilpa’s emotional world was crumbling, her husband Aparesh made a life-altering decision—he gave up his own career momentum in London to support her return to India.

“He was at the peak of his career, but he knew I needed to come back. So, he left everything behind,” Shilpa recalled.

This sacrifice became a turning point in her healing journey, illustrating the immense value of spousal support during mental health crises.

Understanding Unresolved Grief and Hidden Depression

According to counselling psychologist Athul Raj, unresolved grief is often invisible to the outside world. While people may continue to show up at work or engage socially, their inner world feels disconnected.

“Unlike situational sadness or burnout, grief-related depression stems from a loss that was never fully processed. It doesn’t just go away—it settles in the body as fatigue, irritability, numbness, or sadness,” Raj explained.

In Indian families especially, he adds, emotional pain is often suppressed under cultural pressures to ‘move on’ quickly, leading to long-term emotional consequences.

The Healing Power of a Support System

Raj also emphasized that spousal support—like the kind Aparesh offered Shilpa—can act as an emotional anchor.

“It’s not about fixing things. It’s about showing up, being emotionally present when someone feels lost. That presence itself becomes a powerful reminder that they are not alone.”

However, he adds, partners also need care and support, as helping someone through depression can be emotionally draining and confusing.

Shilpa Shirodkar Today: A Return With Purpose

Although Shilpa had no intention of restarting her career, she slowly found herself back in front of the camera, this time with a deeper purpose. She also began producing for television, showing that healing doesn’t always mean returning to who you were—but becoming stronger with new purpose.

Final Thoughts: A Story of Resilience

Shilpa’s honest confession is more than just a celebrity revelation—it is a reminder that grief, when unprocessed, can silently corrode the spirit, but healing is possible with support, patience, and compassion.

Her story serves as a voice for countless others suffering silently, and reinforces the importance of open conversations about mental health, loss, and love.