Happiness is often treated as something we have to find outside ourselves — through success, relationships, recognition or reaching the next big milestone. Prajakta Koli has offered a different perspective: learn to stand by yourself, particularly when life does not go according to plan.
During a conversation on Ranveer Allahabadia’s podcast, Koli was asked about one soft skill she would want to pass on to her children. Her answer centred on self-kindness and learning to value one’s own happiness.
She said she wants her children to be “obsessed” with their happiness and become their own biggest cheerleaders.
The idea goes beyond simply telling yourself to “stay positive.” It is about developing a healthier relationship with yourself — one in which a difficult day does not automatically become proof that you are failing.
The Voice Inside Your Head Matters
One of the most interesting parts of Koli’s message was her discussion of talking to herself.
She explained that she often checks in with herself when she is alone. Whether she is getting ready, driving, cooking or dealing with a difficult moment, she makes space to acknowledge what she is feeling.
For many people, that kind of self-reflection can be easy to overlook.
Women, in particular, often spend large portions of their lives looking after other people. They may be supporting parents, partners, children, friends or colleagues while rarely stopping to ask themselves a simple question:
How am I actually doing?
Self-reflection does not mean withdrawing from relationships or replacing professional support when someone needs it. Sometimes, it simply means giving yourself enough attention to recognise what you are experiencing rather than automatically pushing those feelings aside.
Stop Speaking to Yourself Like an Enemy
Koli’s message also touches on something many people experience privately: negative self-talk.
The things we say about ourselves internally can become surprisingly powerful.
A mistake at work can turn into, “I’m not good enough.”
A difficult day with family can become, “I’m a terrible mother.”
Seeing someone else’s success online can lead to comparisons about career, appearance, relationships or lifestyle.
The problem is not acknowledging that something went wrong. The problem comes when a single experience becomes a judgment about your entire identity.
Instead of saying, “I always get everything wrong,” a healthier response might be, “I made a mistake, and I can learn from it.”
The second statement leaves room for improvement. It recognises the problem without turning it into a permanent label.
Self-Kindness Does Not Mean Making Excuses
Being kind to yourself does not mean avoiding responsibility.
There is a significant difference between self-compassion and refusing to acknowledge mistakes.
If you made a poor decision, you can accept it. If you hurt someone, you can apologise. If you failed at something, you can examine what went wrong.
But none of those things require you to decide that you are fundamentally incapable or unworthy.
That distinction is at the heart of Koli’s message.
You can hold yourself accountable without humiliating yourself.
You can learn without constantly punishing yourself for not already knowing everything.
And you can acknowledge a bad day without deciding that your entire life is going badly.
Why This Message Matters for Women
Women frequently face overlapping expectations around careers, relationships, appearance, family and caregiving.
The pressure to perform perfectly in every role can make self-criticism feel almost automatic.
A woman may finish one task and immediately think about the five things she has not done. She may receive praise but focus on the one piece of criticism. She may accomplish something important and immediately move on without allowing herself to feel proud.
That is why self-care needs to be understood more broadly.
It is not only about skincare routines, vacations or taking an occasional day off.
Sometimes self-care is simply refusing to be cruel to yourself.
It can mean allowing yourself to have an imperfect day without feeling guilty. It can mean recognising your achievements instead of dismissing them. And it can mean understanding that being imperfect does not make you less deserving of respect.
Happiness Does Not Mean Being Positive All the Time
Koli’s message is particularly relevant because being committed to your happiness does not require pretending that everything is fine.
There will be disappointment, grief, failure, frustration and uncertainty.
Being your own cheerleader does not mean forcing yourself to smile through those experiences.
Instead, it can mean being present with yourself while you experience them.
On a good day, celebrate yourself.
On a difficult day, give yourself patience.
When you make a mistake, learn from it.
When something goes well, allow yourself to acknowledge it.
That is a more sustainable idea of happiness than simply trying to eliminate every negative emotion.
Become Your Own Biggest Cheerleader
Perhaps the most useful part of Koli’s message is that it does not require a complete transformation.
It can start with something very small.
The next time you catch yourself speaking harshly about yourself, pause and imagine that a close friend had just said the same thing about herself.
What would you tell her?
You probably would not tell her that one mistake makes her a failure. You would probably remind her that she is allowed to struggle, learn and try again.
That same generosity can be directed inward.
Being your own biggest cheerleader does not mean believing you are perfect. It means deciding that you are worth supporting even when you are struggling.
And perhaps that is the real lesson behind Prajakta Koli’s advice: happiness is not only about creating a life that looks good from the outside. It is also about building an inner voice that does not abandon you when life becomes difficult.
