Nakuul Mehta on Parenting: 5 Things Parents Should Avoid Saying to Children

Parenting is often about the little things—how parents respond when a child cries, how they talk about appearance, or even the way they encourage sharing. A seemingly harmless sentence can sometimes stay with a child for much longer than expected.

Actor and podcast personality Nakuul Mehta recently spoke about parenting and the importance of being mindful about the language used around children. During a conversation with his wife about their experiences as parents, he discussed everyday phrases and behaviours that may influence a child’s emotional development, confidence and understanding of personal boundaries.

While no single sentence determines how a child will grow up, the way adults communicate with children can play an important role in helping them understand emotions, relationships and self-worth.

Here are five common phrases or parenting habits that parents may want to reconsider.

1. ‘Boys Don’t Cry’

“Boys don’t cry” is a phrase that generations of children have heard.

It is often intended to teach boys to be strong, resilient or brave. But repeatedly discouraging a child from crying can send a very different message: that certain emotions are unacceptable.

Children need opportunities to recognise and express feelings such as sadness, fear, frustration and disappointment. Crying can be one normal way of expressing those emotions.

Instead of telling a child not to cry, parents can acknowledge what they are feeling and help them put their emotions into words.

For example, saying “I can see that you’re upset. Do you want to tell me what happened?” creates space for a child to communicate without feeling embarrassed about their emotions.

Emotional strength does not mean suppressing feelings. Children can learn resilience while also understanding that it is safe to express vulnerability.

2. ‘Shame, Shame’ or Comments About Their Body

Comments about a child’s body or appearance can sometimes be made jokingly at home. Words such as “shame, shame” may seem harmless to adults, particularly when said playfully.

Children, however, may interpret comments about their bodies differently.

Repeated teasing or negative remarks about appearance can contribute to embarrassment or self-consciousness, particularly as children become more aware of how others perceive them.

Parents can instead use age-appropriate language when discussing bodies and teach children that their bodies deserve respect.

It is also useful to avoid making a child’s appearance the centre of praise or criticism. Complimenting qualities such as kindness, effort, curiosity and perseverance can help broaden a child’s understanding of their own identity.

3. Asking for Hugs or Kisses in Exchange for Rewards

Affection should not have to be earned.

Parents may jokingly ask a child for a hug or kiss in exchange for a treat, toy or other reward. But moments like these can also be opportunities to teach children an important lesson about consent and bodily autonomy.

Children should understand that they have a right to decide whether they want physical affection.

A child should not be made to feel guilty for refusing a hug or kiss, even when the request comes from someone they know and love.

Parents can model this by asking, “Would you like a hug?” and accepting the child’s answer.

Teaching children that they can say no to unwanted physical contact can help them develop healthy boundaries as they grow.

4. Forcing Children to Share Everything

Sharing is an important social skill, but learning to share does not necessarily mean children should be expected to surrender everything they own whenever another child asks.

Young children are still developing their understanding of ownership, boundaries and empathy. Being forced to hand over a favourite toy can sometimes feel very different from choosing to share it.

Instead of simply saying “You have to share,” parents can explain why taking turns or sharing can be kind and considerate.

They can also acknowledge when a child does not want to share a particular personal possession while helping them find another solution.

For example, children can learn the difference between:

• Taking turns with a toy
• Sharing something that belongs to everyone
• Keeping a special personal possession private
• Respecting another child’s decision when they do not want to share

The goal is not to discourage generosity. It is to help children understand that kindness and personal boundaries can exist together.

5. ‘Be a Good Boy’ or ‘Be a Good Girl’

Telling a child to “be a good boy” or “be a good girl” may sound encouraging, but the phrase can be too vague.

What does being “good” actually mean?

For some children, repeatedly hearing this message may create pressure to behave in ways that please adults rather than helping them understand why certain behaviours are respectful or considerate.

Instead of using a broad label, parents can talk specifically about behaviour and values.

Rather than saying “Be a good girl,” a parent could say:

“Please be kind to your friend.”

Instead of “Be a good boy,” they might say:

“Let’s tell the truth about what happened.”

This gives children a clearer understanding of the behaviour parents want to encourage.

It also separates the child’s identity from a particular mistake. A child can make a poor choice without being made to feel that they are a “bad” person.

Parenting Is Also About Creating Emotional Safety

The language used at home can become part of the environment in which children learn about themselves and their relationships with others.

That does not mean parents have to choose every word perfectly. Parents will inevitably get frustrated, make mistakes and occasionally say things differently from how they intended.

What matters is the larger pattern of communication.

Children benefit from homes where they can ask questions, express emotions, make age-appropriate choices, understand consequences and feel heard.

The five examples discussed here are not rigid rules for every family or situation. Parenting also depends on a child’s age, temperament, developmental stage and circumstances.

Nakuul Mehta’s comments nevertheless highlight an important idea: sometimes, changing a small phrase can change the conversation with a child.