Actor Nakuul Mehta, along with his wife Jankee, recently sparked an important conversation around everyday parenting habits on their podcast, The Indian Parent Pod. The couple discussed how commonly used phrases in households may unintentionally affect a child’s emotional development.
They pointed out several expressions parents often use casually, including “boys don’t cry”, playful phrases like “shame shame” or “nangu-pangu”, asking children to exchange affection for rewards, forcing them to share without considering their feelings, and repeatedly telling them to “be a good boy” or “good girl”.
Experts say that while these phrases may seem harmless, they can shape how children understand emotions, boundaries, and self-worth.
Parenting Doesn’t Need Perfection, But Awareness Matters
According to Dr Munia Bhattacharya, Senior Consultant in Clinical Psychology at Marengo Asia Hospitals, Gurugram, discussions like these are helpful but should be seen in a practical context.
Parents often balance work, home responsibilities, and social expectations, which can make “perfect parenting” feel overwhelming.
She explains that what matters more is awareness. Even small changes in how parents communicate with their children can positively influence emotional growth and confidence.
Children, she adds, primarily need a safe and supportive environment where they feel heard and respected.
Why “Boys Don’t Cry” Can Be Harmful
One of the most common messages boys grow up hearing is to avoid showing vulnerability.
While often said with the intention of making them strong, such statements can lead children to suppress emotions instead of understanding them.
Over time, this suppression may show up as anger, frustration, or difficulty expressing feelings in relationships. Encouraging children to express emotions freely can support healthier emotional development.
The Impact of Playful Body-Shaming
Phrases like “shame shame” or “nangu-pangu” are widely used in a playful tone in many homes. However, repeated comments about a child’s body—even in jest—can leave lasting impressions.
Children are highly sensitive to how adults speak about them. These early experiences can influence body image and self-confidence later in life.
Experts note that what feels like harmless humour to adults may be internalised by children in ways that affect their self-esteem.
When Affection Becomes Conditional
Another concern raised is linking affection to rewards, such as asking a child to hug someone in exchange for a treat.
While often said casually, this can create confusion around consent and boundaries. Children may begin to associate physical affection with approval or rewards rather than comfort and choice.
Teaching children that affection should always be voluntary helps them understand personal boundaries and builds a sense of autonomy.
The Hidden Pressure of “Be a Good Boy” or “Good Girl”
Repeatedly telling children to “be good” may seem like guidance, but it can sometimes create pressure to seek approval rather than understand behaviour.
Children may start associating their self-worth with being perceived as “good”, instead of learning why certain actions are right or wrong.
Encouraging open conversations and explaining behaviour can help children develop a stronger sense of self.
The Bigger Takeaway
The discussion highlights a broader shift in parenting — from control to understanding. Language plays a powerful role in shaping how children see themselves and the world around them.
Rather than aiming for perfection, focusing on mindful communication and emotional safety can make a lasting difference in a child’s development.
