Anupama Parameswaran Opens Up About a Painful Chapter of Her Life

Anupama Parameswaran has spoken candidly about a difficult relationship and the impact it had on her emotional wellbeing, work and relationships with people close to her.

During a conversation with Dhanya Varma, the actor discussed a two-year period that she described as involving narcissistic abuse. She did not identify the former partner she was referring to, keeping the focus on her own experience rather than revealing the person’s identity.

Her comments came after a cryptic Instagram post that had previously prompted considerable speculation about her personal life.

Reflecting on what was behind that post, Anupama said, “There is two years of pain. Physical… Emotional… destruction behind that one post.”

The actor explained that one of the most difficult aspects of what she experienced was how gradually the behaviour affected her.

“The main problem with narcissistic abuse is that it happens very silently,” she said.

For Anupama, the changes became visible not only to herself but also to people around her.

‘They See Me Shrink’: Anupama on Losing Herself

Anupama recalled becoming increasingly withdrawn from family and friends during the relationship.

She said people close to her noticed a change in her personality and described the experience as one in which she gradually began to become a smaller version of herself.

“People around me… they see a change in me. They see me shrink,” she said.

The actor also described constantly thinking about how her partner might respond to ordinary conversations.

Instead of speaking freely, she said she would mentally rehearse what she wanted to say and anticipate the possible reaction.

“You have to think once in your mind, ‘What if I say this? What would their reaction be?’ I had to rehearse this in my mind,” she explained.

That constant anxiety eventually affected areas of her life beyond the relationship.

‘My Mood Would Be Based on Someone Else’s Mood’

Anupama said she reached a point where her emotional state was closely connected to her partner’s mood.

“My mood would be based on someone else’s mood,” she said.

She also recalled changes in her behaviour, including smiling less and avoiding eye contact. According to the actor, the situation affected her relationship with her brother as well.

The impact extended to her professional life. Anupama said she experienced emotional breakdowns on film sets and would retreat to her vanity room, sometimes resulting in shoots being stopped.

For someone who took particular pride in her professionalism, the change was especially painful.

“My biggest pride was how professional I am as an actor,” she said.

She explained that she eventually began feeling that she had become “unprofessional” and “unethical”.

How Can You Recognise an Unhealthy Relationship?

Anupama’s account also raises a broader question about recognising unhealthy relationship patterns.

It is important to distinguish between narcissistic traits, emotionally abusive behaviour and narcissistic personality disorder. Only a qualified mental-health professional can diagnose a personality disorder, and no diagnosis can be made simply from a list of relationship behaviours.

However, certain patterns can indicate that a relationship is having a harmful effect on your wellbeing.

You Feel Like You Are Constantly Walking on Eggshells

Healthy relationships can involve disagreements. What becomes concerning is when you regularly feel afraid of your partner’s reaction to ordinary things.

If you constantly rehearse conversations, monitor your words or change your behaviour to prevent anger or conflict, it may be worth examining what is causing that fear.

A relationship should allow room for disagreement without making one person feel that every conversation carries a potential emotional consequence.

Your Partner’s Mood Determines Your Mood

An unhealthy dynamic can develop when one person’s emotional state begins controlling the other’s.

If you constantly check whether your partner is happy, irritated or angry before deciding how you feel, your emotional wellbeing may have become overly dependent on their behaviour.

Over time, this can create a situation in which one person is constantly trying to regulate the other person’s emotions at the expense of their own.

Your Life Outside the Relationship Starts Disappearing

One of the clearest changes can be what happens to your relationships and interests outside the partnership.

You may begin seeing friends less often, become distant from family, abandon hobbies or stop doing activities that previously made you happy.

Isolation does not always happen suddenly. It can develop gradually as someone spends more and more energy managing a difficult relationship.

If you notice that your world has become significantly smaller since entering a relationship, that change deserves attention.

You Keep Questioning Your Own Judgement

Persistent self-doubt can also be a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.

If disagreements repeatedly leave you questioning your own memories, emotions or judgement, it may be useful to step back and examine the pattern.

Similarly, constantly apologising without understanding what you have supposedly done wrong can indicate that the relationship dynamic has become unbalanced.

The Same Behaviour Keeps Repeating

Another pattern to watch is a repeated cycle of conflict followed by apologies, affection or promises that things will change.

An apology can be meaningful, but lasting improvement requires consistent changes in behaviour.

If the same hurtful conduct repeatedly returns after each promise to change, it is worth looking at the overall pattern rather than focusing only on individual moments of reconciliation.

You Feel Like a Smaller Version of Yourself

Perhaps the most important question is how you feel about yourself compared with who you were before the relationship.

Do you feel less confident? More anxious? More isolated? Afraid to speak openly? Less connected to friends and family?

Anupama’s description of feeling herself “shrink” captures one of the most important aspects of an unhealthy relationship: the gradual loss of a person’s sense of identity.

Not every difficult relationship involves abuse, and not every difficult or selfish behaviour means a person is a narcissist. The broader question is whether the relationship consistently undermines your safety, wellbeing, confidence or ability to maintain healthy connections.

Anupama’s Earlier Instagram Post Sparked Speculation

Anupama’s comments follow a period of renewed attention around her social-media activity.

After returning to Instagram following a months-long break, the actor shared posts that touched on themes including control, letting go and finding her way back to herself.

The posts led to speculation about her relationship status.

Anupama has also been linked by fans to Dhruv Vikram, with whom she worked on Bison Kaalamaadan. However, the actors have not publicly confirmed the relationship speculation.

Her conversation with Dhanya Varma focused instead on a former relationship and her own account of what she experienced during that period.

Why Anupama Decided to Speak About It

For Anupama, sharing her experience appears to be connected to awareness as much as personal reflection.

She spoke about different groups of people who may encounter the subject of narcissistic abuse: those who have experienced it, people who have witnessed someone close to them experience it, people who know the term but have never explored it and those who may dismiss the issue based on assumptions.

She particularly wanted to reach people who may currently be experiencing unhealthy behaviour but have not yet recognised what is happening.

That distinction matters because people experiencing emotional abuse may not immediately understand the pattern while they are inside it.

The Bigger Conversation Around Narcissistic Abuse

Anupama’s account does not provide a diagnostic assessment of the person she referred to. Instead, it offers her perspective on how the relationship affected her and how she came to understand the experience.

Her story also highlights why relationship red flags should be considered in context.

Feeling anxious after an occasional disagreement is not automatically evidence of abuse. But persistent fear, isolation, loss of confidence, constant self-monitoring and a repeated pattern of harmful behaviour can be reasons to pause and seek perspective.

Speaking with trusted friends, family members or a qualified mental-health professional can help someone make sense of what they are experiencing.

Anupama’s Message Is Ultimately About Awareness

Anupama Parameswaran’s decision to discuss the experience publicly shifts the conversation away from speculation about her private life and towards a broader issue.

Her account describes a relationship in which she felt increasingly diminished, emotionally distressed and disconnected from the person she believed herself to be.

The most important takeaway is not a label for another person. It is the recognition that a relationship should not consistently leave you feeling smaller, isolated, frightened or unable to be yourself.

For people who recognise those patterns in their own lives, acknowledging the change can be an important first step towards understanding what is happening and deciding what support they need.